True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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