At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
