I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
