Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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