I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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