Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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