well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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