I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
