My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
