i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Everything about him screamed your future.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
