Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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