the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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