got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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