somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
