I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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