I think my fart just growled at me.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the day after is always just damage control
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
