It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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