Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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