can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
