i jhust puked up my retainher.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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