i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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