We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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