Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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