So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
