a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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