my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize