There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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