I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
