I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My vagina just recognized that song.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize