Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
