I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize