Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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