god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
