You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
