YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
