SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
