Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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