just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
