New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
