Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just had sex on a roof
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
