Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
