Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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