I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
