Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
