You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i think i just lost a toe
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize