the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
