fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He shit in the fireplace
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
