Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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