I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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