If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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