I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
