I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
