I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
