yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
