ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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