Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
