My nipple is on Facebook.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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