First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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