those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
