Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my phone needs a breathalizer
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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