get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
