Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
how does that bad decision feel?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
