there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize