When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
