bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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