R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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