You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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