He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
