If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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